Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Let's Address the Harsh Reality of...

Wet Sock

Socks are, by nature, comforting things. This quality extends beyond their primary function of shielding your feet from the insides of your shoes, and ventures into the realms of safety, warmth, nostalgia and the ability to comically slide around on floors in your own house. There are several things that exist within our universe that threaten those joyous socky attributes, but the most grave and horrifying one is unquestionably Wet Sock.

Contracted when a socked foot unintentionally steps into an unseen body of liquid, Wet Sock is the Code Red terrorist threat of the foot world. The feeling of disgust upon sensing the liquid saturate the sock's fabric generally shoots from the victimized foot through the individual's leg, traveling up the spine and resonating in the throat in the form of a tidal wave of nausea. It is not long before the reality of what is happening sets in, and panic ensues in the brain of the victim.

*Not looking good.

There are multiple forms of Wet Sock, each one more frightening than the next. The most common diagnosis is General Wet Sock, which signifies the unexpected placement of a socked foot into a small puddle of water. More serious, advanced cases include Double Wet Sock, in which the bottoms of both feet fall victim to said puddle. Even more dire is that of Wet Shoe Wet Sock, a mortifying occurrence in which the individual has shoes on, and those shoes become so wet that the unsuspecting socks beneath them suffer the same merciless saturation. Few are known to have survived this last severe manifestation of the condition.

Most cases of Wet Sock can only be treated in the full removal of the soiled pair, in which case clean replacements are generally available. But with a vigilant eye and the proper understanding of your surroundings, the ordeal can be avoided altogether. Good luck.


  1. WHERE....where did you find that first picture?!! Im beyond impressed. you know how i feel about wet sock.

  2. I must say that a pro to moving back to jersey is that i have cut my wet sock epidemic down to a mere fraction.

    Just curious, at what age did you figure out not to put your socks on after you shower and before you brush your teeth, because it took me about three wet sock incidences around the age of six.