Thursday, August 27, 2009

I Have Some Beef With...

Platform Flip Flops

Ladies, do you own a pair of these? There's a good chance that you were really excited about receiving them as a gift for your 14th birthday. You wore them to a few pool parties, and once you even tried to dress them up to go out to dinner. Hopefully, though, after you did that, you threw them in your fireplace and watched them burn into a sticky heap of toxic smelling nylon and rubber. They're arguably more appealing that way than they are on the feet.

*This charming sicko thought it would be cute and silly to wear them on her wedding day. Where is her husband? Undoubtedly freebasing crystal meth in the garage.

I don't want to ostracize anyone here. That's not the intention. As a five foot eight inch individual it's hardly a stretch for me to understand the appeal of looking taller than you actually are. But there are more reasonable ways to go about this than purchasing a pair of these and looking like you are walking around on two freshly baked pound cakes.

*Somebody call Child Protective Services right fucking now.


  1. Yup, I definitely thought these were really cool when i was in 7th grade & undoubtably rocked them. They are hideous... but i do still love the right pair of platforms.

  2. very OBVIOUSS that that woman is devoting her life to a man who dabbles in serious hardcore designer drugs...u have to be high during ur weeding if your a user...she is probably already flying...why else would she wear those to her wedding??

  3. There are so many better ways to get height with shoes--beautiful shoes! There is really no excuse for platform flip flops...

  4. I may have found a greater crime