Thursday, August 27, 2009
Since a very young age, I have been plagued with a drastic case of shakey hands. Its predominant side effect is photographs that look like the one pictured above. The problem is bad enough that not even auto-focus stands a chance against me. My hands' violent determination to twitch as if I just snorted thirty lines of Drain-O renders the clever feature utterly useless.
In addition to blurry images, I also have an extremely difficult time taking the first two sips of a martini. As a result of my unwillingness to pull the classic, hands free "mouth to the glass and suck" move, more than a few delicious cocktails have adorned my lap on account of my crack-addict like appendages. And Jenga. Don't let me near your game of Jenga.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Below the streets of New York City lies the hot, pulsating monster of Penn Station. Upon stepping off the train you are immediately plunged into a world of sensory overload as the brain melting heat hits you in the face like a soaking wet pillowcase. As you ascend the escalator into the main terminal you are met with a classic array of New York City aromas. A pungent bouquet of steaming pizza, homeless urine, gooey Cinnabuns and putrid body odor waft into your nose like the perfume of a depraved madman. Do not be discouraged though, because if you can manage to navigate your way through the obstacle course of crying children, Long Island guidos, and crystal meth addicts, the vibrant streets of Manhattan are just within your reach.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Lord of the Flies
Sunday, August 9, 2009
1. Leaving a high pressure environment
2. Ascending from depth
3. Ascending to altitude"
Terrifying, right? Well get this: "Its effects may vary from joint pain and rash to paralysis and death."
An impressive range of utterly horrifying effects, indeed.
Steer clear, folks.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
by Franz Kafka
Monday, August 3, 2009
Alumna sues college because she hasn't found a job
NEW YORK (CNN) -- A recent college graduate is suing her alma mater for $72,000 -- the full cost of her tuition and then some -- because she cannot find a job.
Trina Thompson, 27, of the Bronx, graduated from New York's Monroe College in April with a bachelor of business administration degree in information technology.
On July 24, she filed suit against the college in Bronx Supreme Court, alleging that Monroe's "Office of Career Advancement did not help me with a full-time job placement. I am also suing them because of the stress I have been going through."
Thompson is also suing her gym, on account of her being fat. Expected in the Fall is a suit being filed by Thompson against her bed, as she has "extreme difficulty falling asleep".