Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Plan Of Attack

If you're like me, you like to gauge what objects in the room could be used to kill an intruder in your home. At any given moment, some hooded crook is liable to saunter in your personal space wielding anything from a gun to a general lack of common courtesy. And thus one must be ready to access their utilitarian logic and employ a line of defense using the inanimate objects that are proximally available to them.

Could I kill someone with my hardcover edition of
Garfield's 30th Anniversary: 30 Years of Laughs and Lasagna, I begin to wonder? To what extent could I injure a full grown individual using that unopened package of Double Stuffed Oreos? These are the questions you need to start asking yourself, because if you are finishing up some late night pilates in your room, and in bursts a deranged, chaffing Meth maniac brandishing a scimitar, you are gonna wanna be able to grab a pair of socks, a #2 pencil and a hanger and take care of business without having to think about it.

Will you be ready to deal with this when you least expect it?

1 comment:

  1. I don't know how effective "laughs and lasagna" will be but i sleep soundly knowing that upon be attacked during the night I can pelt my assailant with the array of doggy biscuits that surround my bed.